A little boy was listening...

A little boy was listening to a long and excessively boring sermon in church. Suddenly his eye the red sanctuary lamp caught his eye. Tugging his father's sleeve, he said, "Daddy, when the light turns green can we go?"

http://www.cegguam.org/catholic_jokes

A man walks into a monastery and ...

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.” The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.” The man replies “Fine.” Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say. The man replies “Bed’s hard.” The abbot remarks, “Is that it?” The man says, “Yes”. Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!” The abbot asks, “Is that it?” And the man says “Yes.” Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!” And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/catholic-jokes

Cardinal Ratzinger goes running ...

Cardinal Ratzinger goes running into the Holy Father’s office and is quite beside himself. “Holy Father, Holy Father!” “What is it my son?” the pope responds. “I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? “ “The good news”, responds the Holy Father. The Cardinal says “OK. The good news is that the Lord Jesus has returned as He promised!” “Alleluia, Alleluia. Praise be to God!”, the Holy Father responds “So what’s the bad news? “ Ratzinger responds “He in Salt Lake City.”

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/catholic-jokes

A man suffered a serious heart ...

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Send the bill to my Brother-in-law."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/catholic-jokes

Why can`t Anglicans play...

Q. Why can`t Anglicans play chess?

A. Because they can`t tell a Bishop from a Queen.

The Seven Dwarfs ...

The Seven Dwarfs go to visit the Pope. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?".
      
      "No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".
      
      "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?" Dopey questions.
      
      "No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
      
      "Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
      
      "No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
      
      In the background, the six remaining dwarves softly began to chant: "Dopey's in love with a penguin, Dopey's in love with a penguin..."

http://jokes.edigg.com/Catholic/The_Seven_Dwarfs.shtml

The children were lined...

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/catholic-jokes